Sunday, January 21, 2007
"I can't believe! I'm in F&%$ing HELL!"
That is what my status says at my yahoo messenger while i was chatting. Some of my online friends asked me about whats happening or "What is that status about?". They just knew something is wrong and something is happening. oh well...
"I woke up in the wrong side of the bed." somebody told me this doesn't exist. hmm..maybe, maybe not. Wasn't able to sleep well last night, something is bothering me. you know, things that you think but you dont know what it is and why you think of it. My net connection last night really SUCKS! I dont understand why. I have just called up my network provider 3days ago complaining about whats happening about it. An operator told me that is all about the router, blah..blah..blah. So i reinstalled everything and did it myself. Last night, i was chatting and everything got messed up suddenly. Too good, i still have my phone which i used to use before as my modem. I used it so i can chat and do some other things. I want to download everything last night so i can have my "movie marathon" today. but yeah, it sucks!
I woke up late today. I'm hearing noises down there..hayy..papi doesn't stop talking and talking and talking, both of them. Mami wants me to get up because its already late and wants me to do the chores. AS USUAL!!!!hmpf! I need to get my ass off from my bed, lunch is ready. I ate then called up a friend in the Philippines because it is her birthday today. Got to talked with another friend and then with my bro. They told me everybody was not there, kindah sad because i thought i can talk with most of them maybe next time.
I'm feeling depressed and sad the last days and i think i still am. I was able to talked with my bestfriend the last night. We chatted for an hour i guess. I feel happy and at the same time so sad. I miss my friends so much. I miss them badly! i suddenly felt like, damn!how much i want to see them, to laugh and have fun with them again. It's been 5 years ago since i've seen their happy faces, our "tambay" times, our "tomaan nights" and lots of happenings at our "sukob na!". All the memories since we were all little kids running around "home along da riles".haha! Memories that i won't forget wherever i am, no matter how many miles and miles away from you guys. I even cried while we were chatting. sori im a cry baby! She said that eventhough im not there i will always be in their hearts, nobody will ever forget me the one and only "basyang" of their lives. It makes me feel good but damn! it makes my heart melts away.
I can't imagine untill now that i'm going here to battle and leave the place that i love more than myself. But that is how life is i guess. You have to sacrifice one thing for the good of another thing. And now here i am, fighting and battling my everyday life trying to survive in the best way i can do. Never been easy for me! NEVER!...
Have you ever thought of giving up?...ME? yes i did, many times, many, many times. But there is always something that holds me to continue and live my life more. I always fall down on my knees begging for some help, to help me stand and give me strength. I always wanted to stop and just end up my life whenever this things happens to me. I want to kill myself when things fucked me up and shit happens along the way of my happiness. I find it unfair because its like 3days of happiness and a week of sadness and depression. A week of fun and a month of disaster. Damn! am i that bad to have all this kind of things? i dont know, maybe i really deserve all this. but i dont know why. It still remains a big question from me. I can't see any good answer in the future.
This blog is my only way out. My only way to express and take out all what i have in my heart. An outlet to feel better after writing all the hatred and questions that is always on my mind. I dont know how my readers thinks and understand how i feel. But i know somebody have experienced and have felt this way like i did. I'm sorry if i wrote this way most of the time, just try to put yourself on my shoes then i guess you'll gonna understand me.
I started the week bad, stressed out and find myself ending up at the same mood. I hope this week will not be the same eventhough i don't already have my work anymore. Need only to adjust in a span of time then i guess things will be alright.
I want to thank again the people who always are concern to me. Who reads my blog and leave their kind words and advices that helps me to move on and realize things over. Thanks for giving me strength by means of your sweet words. Thanks for always uplifting my spirit. Thanks for the neverending understanding and patience. thanks guys!
I dont know when im gonna feel good again, but i will try. Im gonna give myself sometime to reflect. Eventually, things will be alright and will be back to normal. I'm gonna ask for His guidance. So, help me God!
I want to take my rest now. I'm sorry for stressing you out with this. take care and have a good week ahead of you. love u guys. mwah!
Labels: depression, missing friends, sad
Y Make me yours tonight, let me die in your arms;
11:00 PM
11:00 PM
