THE STORY.


It was raining hard for the past week which you should not expect because it is already summer time. At the same time, my tears were also running through my eyes. It seems that the weather is giving its sympathy, knowing that my heart is in pain.

My life is an open book to public. I've got my blog friends who knows my problems most of the time. I share my stories and experiences in life for them to know for who i am and what i have. For them to know more about my life, on how i handle them and manage to live each and everyday even with so much difficulties. I struggle in dealing with it, because i know there is something waiting at the end.

I've learned and have taught myself about patience and understanding. Hardworking, respect, love, determination and perseverance have been my guide to reach the place for where i am now. Praying, my faith and believing in Him are the things that i never forget all throughout the tragedies and journey that happened into my life.

I know everybody was shocked about the last post i've written. I know you can all feel the pain deep inside me and wanted to know what happened or whatever the reason about it. The question remains to all of you who are concerned, whoever wants to share some good thoughts and advices. Thanks, just seeing the "why's" and wishing that "im doing fine" just give me that relief and the feeling of i am not alone. Just knowing that you are all around there eventhough you're all busy was a big help for me. Thanks!

I wanted to share with you the story but i can't. It will remain to be private, it is all about a family problem. I hope you all understand. I just want to share you on how i feel, i just want to release my hard feelings inside and my pain. And i guess this is the only way. My blog, for where i share each and every thought i've got. It never says no to me and never judge me. Never tells me what to say but instead let me do and help me take out everything here inside of me. My deep pains...the hurts and the wounds that i have got...that in time help me make it heal.

I felt so devastated, thinking that my dreams and hopes are all washed away. I kept silent for a week because i know i can still manage, but i pretended. I am weak, i'm in pain, i am hurt and i'm hopeless. After waiting for a long time thinking that finally i could fulfill even 1/4 of my dreams and now i am here trying to hide myself. Not only my eyes are swollen because of too much weeping but also my heart. I could not imagine that this things are happening. It is out of my control, things happened to its worst.

"Expect the unexpected." This are the words that remained in me for sometime. It is true. After all, they are just two. It can be the good thing or the worst thing around you. So you should always be ready for whatever will happen infront of you, to the people you love or for those who lives far away from you.

I really don't know what to say more. What will be the right word to describe me, to describe what i am feeling. I don't want to hear those voices anymore, they keep me insane. They drag and really pull me down. I feel so disappointed.

I have been through alot, lots of problems that others could have been worst than mine. Should i be thankful for it?...They say He will not give it to you if you can't handle it and if you could not carry them. But what if i can't? Will they call me a loser or somebody who is really weak? What if i want to give up now? Will they just tell me i am a coward who doesn't know how to fight after all? That long before i was telling everybody that i am brave and i will continue to battle even if i don't have any weapon on my hand. It was really hard for me to accept it...was really hard for me.

I am not perfect and who is after all, nobody is. I don't know what to feel anymore. I dont know what words to utter because i am afraid that the more i comment and the more i talk the more i damaged things. But i guess i also have the right to do that, i was a part of it.

All we want was to help and to give happiness to our loved ones. But then it was all destroyed. It turned out to be a nightmare that untill now it keeps on haunting me. Sleepless nights together with the tears on my eyes that i can't help but fall. I don't want to pity on myself. I want to fight over and over again. Because i know there are people who still believes in me, my capability and my strong personality.

Will you get mad at me if i tell you im giving up now? Will you not love me anymore? Will you not care about me after all?...I get tired too. I have tried my whole life to be a good one but then is this is all i deserve? They say the world is turning, but how come mine turns out so fast that i could not even notice i was happy for a long time. It was just like a glimpse. It arrives and leaves too fast.

I dont want whatever i am feeling right now.(well, whoever wants it anyway.) But i can't control it and you can't say just do this or do that. "Easier said than done." Try to put your feet on my shoes and tell me how is it to feel like this way.

I don't want to say goodbye, its harsh. I don't want to say im giving up, because it hurts. I don't want to say im leaving. I will be around, i will try my very best to stand up again. If i can still do it. I will try to be strong and fight over the pain. I will keep my faith. I will try...i will try...

I hope this will not be the last time you will have to see me here. If you need me i will be around, you know guys, where and how to contact me anyway. Just help me pray and thank you for everything. I'm gonna miss you all. I love you all.mwahugs.

Richelle L. Troia
Milan, Italy
26 years old
6th of January 1982
Advertising Fine Arts graduate from University of Santo Thomas
"ychel", "ate ish", "bombshellot", "ychel d' bombshel", "d'bomb", "bombshy", "mija"